Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
