I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize