I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
