He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
