just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
