Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We need a shit load of segways right now
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
