would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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