There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
