Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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