i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
