I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Still dying that you shit outside
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
