actually, I'm a sock model
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
