I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
