My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
