we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
