dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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