I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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