Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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