i think my tv is drunk
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
