he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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