he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
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