I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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