Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
