why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
