Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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