There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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