better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
