You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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