She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
