but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
