haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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