maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
