dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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