Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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