There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
