Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
