But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
