get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
