I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i came on her dog
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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