do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
