So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
