is your mom at the bar?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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