Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
why didn't you poke me back
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
