He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
