I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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