there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
