so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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