how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
