on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I supernannyed him into submission
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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