i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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