Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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