Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
