i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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