we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
