We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
