Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize