I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
