i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
A+ Viking dick
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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