I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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