there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
