Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
