Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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