guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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