I CAN MOONWALK!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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