After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
