so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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