I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize