I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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