I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
