dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
