How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
