Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
