What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
