At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
