Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
