Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
