why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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