I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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