I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
