So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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