85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
