He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
This house was built for laser tag.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
