I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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