yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
