okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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