East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
