Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
