i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
