it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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