There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
