dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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