does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
