ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
