I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
