I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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