Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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