I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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