Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
