Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
