i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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