I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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