sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
