Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
