I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
