I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
