I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
