I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
