hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i will never coherently bang her
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
