Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize