I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
