saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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