i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize