Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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