some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
