the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
