then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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