Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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