i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
