im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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